Spit and Spirits

Freebies? Are You Kidding?

with 3 comments

Honey? Should my new toothbrush make my teeth smoke?

Remember freebies? I’ll bet you do. They were great, weren’t they? They created loyalty, excitement, and just a little bit of alcoholism.

Not anymore though. Getting a freebie from a business these days is like trying to catch a fart in a strainer – it’s just not gonna happen.

Back in the good old days, like, 2002, I could walk into every second bar and be greeted by a smiling, beady eyed manager who would ply me full of free booze. Why would they do it? Mostly because they were allowed to. They had special tabs just for that reason. They knew to get a bit of business they had to give a little bit to the punter.

Businesses these days won’t have a bar of it though. They have so many digital records of stock, cameras watching thieving, dirty staff members and a general distaste for being friendly to anyone, that most businesses make you feel like you’re lining up to get some gruel in prison. To be given anything free these days you have to go into a draw, and as if you have any chance of winning that?! All you get is tons of spam piling up in your semi-fake email address you use for trying to sign up to supposedly ‘free’ porn sites. It’s just not worth it.

But I had a pleasant surprise the other day. My new wife and I decided to upgrade our healthcare. And as much as you’re probably hoping that I tell you about every ferociously exciting detail of that excursion, I won’t. What it has to do with freebies though is that the lovely older lady, Margie, who talked to us for a good hour – we’re both very indecisive when it comes to our future children’s health – at one point opened her drawer and excitedly exclaimed that it was full of brand new electric tooth brushes. Good ones too. The kind you plug in and charge and everything.

She had no idea what they were doing there, and without hesitating she dipped in and gave us both one of them. No calling her supervisor, no calling head office, no calling the Federal Police to see if she was in fact breaking some kind of freebie-giving law that could find her incarcerated. Margie knew the old-school charm and lure of something for free. And I tell you, it worked. My wife and I were sold and signed up on the spot for a health-cover probably above our means.

And the good thing is we now have more than enough health-cover if any little tackers come stumbling along – or if I need to get my hip replaced – and I get to brush my teeth every night with something that sounds like a Blackhawk helicopter.

Nice one Margie.


Jake J. Fox has a Facebook and Twitter page. Like or follow to grab an update to new posts and all that malarky.



Written by Jake Fox

January 16, 2012 at 11:02 pm

3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Good ole’ freebies – they get you in every time. Yesterday I used a coffee card and was pleasantly surprised to be given a free birthday coffee!! I’ll be going back there for sure! btw… should we be getting excited about now about this extra health cover??


    January 17, 2012 at 9:13 am

    • They’re especially good when not expected.

      Having worked in various promo jobs where it’s your actual job to hand out free stuff, there’s nothing better than giving a freebie to someone who’s thankful and surprised.

      Ha! Nothing exciting about the extra health cover. Just a preemptive strike on their 12 month waiting period when upgrading. Better to plan ahead.

      Jake J. Fox

      January 17, 2012 at 2:10 pm

  2. I’m so impressed I’m thinking of giving up my current health fund who give me squat (including ridiculously low rebates for the money I give them) and changing to yours who offer awesome free toothbrushes!

    An Observant Mind

    January 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 63 other followers

%d bloggers like this: