Freebies? Are You Kidding?
Remember freebies? I’ll bet you do. They were great, weren’t they? They created loyalty, excitement, and just a little bit of alcoholism.
Not anymore though. Getting a freebie from a business these days is like trying to catch a fart in a strainer – it’s just not gonna happen.
Back in the good old days, like, 2002, I could walk into every second bar and be greeted by a smiling, beady eyed manager who would ply me full of free booze. Why would they do it? Mostly because they were allowed to. They had special tabs just for that reason. They knew to get a bit of business they had to give a little bit to the punter.
Businesses these days won’t have a bar of it though. They have so many digital records of stock, cameras watching thieving, dirty staff members and a general distaste for being friendly to anyone, that most businesses make you feel like you’re lining up to get some gruel in prison. To be given anything free these days you have to go into a draw, and as if you have any chance of winning that?! All you get is tons of spam piling up in your semi-fake email address you use for trying to sign up to supposedly ‘free’ porn sites. It’s just not worth it.
But I had a pleasant surprise the other day. My new wife and I decided to upgrade our healthcare. And as much as you’re probably hoping that I tell you about every ferociously exciting detail of that excursion, I won’t. What it has to do with freebies though is that the lovely older lady, Margie, who talked to us for a good hour – we’re both very indecisive when it comes to our future children’s health – at one point opened her drawer and excitedly exclaimed that it was full of brand new electric tooth brushes. Good ones too. The kind you plug in and charge and everything.
She had no idea what they were doing there, and without hesitating she dipped in and gave us both one of them. No calling her supervisor, no calling head office, no calling the Federal Police to see if she was in fact breaking some kind of freebie-giving law that could find her incarcerated. Margie knew the old-school charm and lure of something for free. And I tell you, it worked. My wife and I were sold and signed up on the spot for a health-cover probably above our means.
And the good thing is we now have more than enough health-cover if any little tackers come stumbling along – or if I need to get my hip replaced – and I get to brush my teeth every night with something that sounds like a Blackhawk helicopter.
Nice one Margie.
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